I have this super urghhhh feeling right now. When I am feeling down, I reach out to Allah. I am pmsing big time and I have my period. I'm so frustrated with the world. And the worst part? I can't pray.
I need to connect with Allah. I need to do my ablutions (washing up), dorn my white muslim prayer clothes, face the Kaabah in the holy city of Mecca from my room and pray to Allah. I need to read my Yasin prayer book every evening after my Maghrib prayers at 7.10pm which also happens to be the first prayer of the day. You see for Muslims, our day begins at dusk ( makes sense?). I need to pray to Allah to keep my family safe, to bless my husband with a good job soon, to bless my daughters with a good life, to bless my siblings, their families, my parents, to bless me with a peace of mind. To bless my charity initiative HEN with directions, people and funding.. I pour my heart out to Allah every evening. I can't share my deepest feelings with anyone else. Only Allah.
So, I can't pray for all that for a week. I can pray in my mind but it is simply not the same. The feeling of absolute oneness with Allah when I pray every evening, that feeling of closeness I get. I miss it. Sometimes I feel I see Him in my room. So, now you know how that feels? To not be able to pray ...Urghhhh...I just want to sleep and wake up a week later when my period is over.
My home is
usually in a mess and has dust settled on almost everything. But I believe laughter and love will win the day. In 20 years, my girls won't remember how messy the house was but will remember the time we spent together and the love they felt...